The Desk
Enjoy an absurdist one-act play from the high school era that explores the monotony of customer service work.
[Author’s Note: As mentioned, this is a one act play form the high school days. In fact, this play was informative of a lot of the structures and humor that you find in the Misadventures of Adulting scripts, and similar to those, this script is behind a paywall this month and episode 5 of that ongoing series will be released in February. If you’re wanting more of an adult read, Unfortunately was also published earlier this month.
The emotional maturity of the themes also reflects that of a 17-year-old boy, but what is really curious is the influences of the absurdist framing. Reading pieces such as Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett, The Zoo Story by Edward Albee, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard, and of course, a classic and favorite, Dutchman by Amiri Baraka (then known as LeRoi Jones), and would later reflect the love of absurdist and existential works, like the absurdist and meta television series, like Atlanta or Interior Chinatown.
Enjoy this one-act script that twas never released, the original written back in 2004. It includes the first iteration of the fictitious Buff Stuff’s Platinum Gym and pulls from customer service experiences in working at gyms, at community spaces, at retail stores, at restaurants, pretty much anywhere where there’s a desk that folks work, that feels like a constant battle against time.]
The Desk
Written and Created by Jawanza Barial-Lumumba
Completed December 8th 2004
Main Characters
CURTIS MCKAY – He is a young 19 year-old who has been recently hired to work at Buff Stuff’s Platinum Gym. He’s generally quiet, but very inquisitive.
MIA ADAMS– She has been working at Buff Stuff’s for the past seven years. Her age is not quite identifiable, but she has at least over 30. She has a very high pitched and shrill voice that echoes each time she speaks.
DOYLE O’CONNOR– He is beginning to enter his late 20s, but it’s evident that he has been overworked throughout his life. He would be dressed in a Hamlet-esque manner. He’s been working for Buff Stuff’s for nearly 7 months, and was promoted to a supervisor position 3 months after beginning work, because of several people quitting.
TAYLOR SMITH –Taylor is roughly 24. He has been working at Buff Stuff’s for nearly a year and a half, and is generally dressed in colorful Hawaiian shirts.
Supporting Characters
ATTRACTIVE WOMEN – They are all wearing heavy make-up and are ranging between the ages of 20 – 30. They are dressed rather fancily, upper-classy, and revealingly.
ANALIA – She is amongst one of the “ATTRACTIVE WOMEN”; however, she is only 18 years old.
CHRISTOPHER MCGINNIS– CHRISTOPHER is around 50, though has the charms and looks of someone in their 30s. He wears a business suit, has a cane, and seems to have an aura around him.
ROBIN – A young 19 year-old guy.
Scene – Front desk of Buff Stuff’s Platinum Gym
There are three chairs sitting in front of the desk. Two of the chairs are lowered, while the third, to the left of the two chairs, is elevated. Although not actually present, there are three computers that are sitting in front of each the chairs. Behind the chairs is a LARGE Cuckoo Clock. Behind the clock is a huge banner that reads Buff Stuff’s Platinum Gym. The floor is brightly lit, with no natural lighting, except from a door off on the side. Next to the tall chair is a small radio that only plays Celebration.
(Scene opens with MIA and DOYLE sitting very properly, staring into the audience. They are both sitting on the two smaller chairs. DOYLE is occupying the chair on the right, while MIA is sitting on the leftmost one. DOYLE is typing something on a computer in front of him, while MIA is just staring off at a clock in front of her. The sound of the large clock behind them ticking is the only thing that can be heard. The Cuckoo Clock chirps. From the center of the face of the clock a small door opens up and a small bird springs out from it making three loud and aggravating bird calls, before it retreats back into the foundation of the clock. As the clock is chirping, one of the rather ATTRACTIVE WOMEN enters stage right, walking in front of DOYLE and MIA, though neither looks up. She walks through the entrance of the desk without having to sign in, and exits stage left. There are people walking past the entrance gate, swiping their membership cards, and each time they do, the computer makes a [bing!] sound.)
DOYLE (Talking very drearily and not looking up from the computer screen, while continuing to type furiously.)
[bing!] ...Thank you... [bing!] ...Thank you... [bing!] ...Thank you... [bing!] ...Thank you...
MIA (Cheerfully, though not taking her eyes off the clock.)
[bing!] Oh, hey you!! Thanks! [bing!] … [bing!] … [bing!] Oh you’re looking excellent today, have a nice work out… [bing!] … [bing!] You again! What’re you doing here? [bing!] Good afternoon!! How are you? [bing!] … [bing!] … [bing!] … [bing!] Oh hey! You’ve lost weight! (Looks up and glances towards her co-worker.) Hey, Doyle, do you need some help with that?
DOYLE
No. Can’t ask that much of you.
(The Cuckoo Clock chirps. From the center of the face of the clock a small door opens up and a small ramp pops out with a baby carriage on the end of it. The baby in the carriage begins wailing for about five seconds before it retreats back into the foundation of the clock. TAYLOR enters with CURTIS quietly following behind him from stage left. They’re walking towards MIA and DOYLE.)
TAYLOR (Loudly)
…And we have the best workout facilities here at Buff Stuff’s, thus justifying the fifty-five dollar joining fee added on top of the eighty dollars we pull out monthly from their banking accounts. And as time goes on, we’ll probably increase the joining fee by at least… thirteen percent.
(CURTIS and TAYLOR both stop in front of MIA.)
CURTIS
Wh-what does the fifty-five dollars go towards?
TAYLOR
Unimportant. Just make something up… say, it goes towards funding of our after-school programs for the youth in this community. (CURTIS is about to ask another question, when TAYLOR interrupts him.) Oh don’t worry. We don’t actually have those here. But they don’t know that. [bing!] Thank you both, and have a wonderful work out! (beat) As time goes on, people just accept it for what it is. (To MIA and DOYLE) Doyle, Tia—
MIA
It’s Mia.
TAYLOR
Right! Of course! Excellent. This is Curtis McKay, the newest employee here at the Buff Stuff’s Platinum Membership Desk. [bing!] Oh, why thank you, Sir. Have a nice day! (beat) He’ll be covering for Jacob today. I think he’s at home applying for… um, tuition or a scholarship or timeshares or something… It’s unimportant.
DOYLE
College. He’s filling out college applications.
TAYLOR
Excellent! Yes, well, he is our golden boy here at Buff Stuff’s. [bing!] Thank you! (beat) We have to use him for as long as we possibly can before he disappears into college. (beat) Well, I don’t normally come in during the Saturday shift, but I have some… “extra projects” that need to get done for today. So, yeah.Curtis, if you have any questions—that’s what Doyle’s here for. He’s your supervisor, meaning—[bing!] Thank you so much!—that you’re his responsibility and he’ll be able to answer all of your questions. (To DOYLE) Just show him the ropes around here and yeah… if there’s an emergency, then you can come get me, otherwise please do not disturb me. (Looks in the opposite direction of the clock.) Oh my, look at the time! Gotta go. Thanks you guys, you’ve been great! Bye. (Exits.)
(The Cuckoo Clock chirps. From the center of the face of the clock a small door opens up and the ramp pops out with a mechanical man and an old fashioned phone on it. The man picks up the phone and puts it back down several times, before it retreats into the foundation of the clock.The radio begins playing I Will Survive, performed by Gloria Gaynor.)
CURTIS (Looking down at MIA and DOYLE, who have both lost any interest in him.)
So… what should I do today? What’s my training?
