Broetry
Written by Jawanza Barial-Lumumba, edited by Emily Peterson
NARRATOR
For most, Mondays are the most hellish day of the week, but for CARLOS, Mondays are the holiest. Though a “day off” doesn’t exist for the person who works three side jobs, goes to school, and staves through the dating world as someone considered to be “a super single,” CARLOS’s only obligation on Mondays is attending his Introduction to Poetry class, a moment once a week which feels like a sigh of relief, before Tuesday morning creeps forth to reinforced his overworked reality. This Monday, we find CARLOS slouching in his seat, in an auditorium at the New Hawthorne Community College. CARLOS favors his poetry class for a multitude of reasons, beginning with his secret love for the poetical material he reads and writes, and ending with his hope to dazzle the class hottie with his A+ poetical craftsmanship. The only challenge:
POETRY PROF
You’re all horrible and are the reason I drink.
NARRATOR
Their professor hates everyone.
POETRY PROF
In fact, if any of you got an A on any of your poems, I surely blacked out and fucked up my own attempt at writing an F.
NARRATOR
CARLOS’s class is comprised of many colorful characters, but for CARLOS, the only ones that matter are the following: his drunk and uninspired POETRY PROF; the pretentious semi-know-it-all poet name PAUL who wishes his creativity was as badass as his famous parents, but isn’t; THERESA, who is a part of the ever shrinking gothic clique on campus; and MICAH, who is a sweet human with an intensive love of the written word and the melody from which it is spoken. But in the eyes of POETRY PROF, all that matters is that they suck.
POETRY PROF
I am fearful that all creativity within society has diminished and I am now trapped is my own dystopian hell, wherein I am the only muse left in all of existence.
MICAH
Can I just say that I’m not sure that your grading method is fair?
POETRY PROF
How so?
THERESA
Nooot positive you’re supposed to get blitzed while you’re grading our work. Or show up here blitzed.
POETRY PROF
Blitzed?
THERESA
So fucking intoxicated you cannot decipher an A from an F.
