The Real-Life Drinking Game
Written by Jawanza Barial-Lumumba
NARRATOR
On Saturdays, the lovely establishment we know as Slum’s opens its doors at 3pm. Prior to 6pm, the bar is deader than a doornail, which allows our precious boys—JEREMIAH and CARLOS—to position themselves wherever their hearts desire, depending on their hopes and outcomes for their evening festivities. However, on this fateful Saturday, JEREMIAH and CARLOS drag themselves in to the bar at nearly 7pm, just as ISAAC comes on shift with a dude named STEVE. SHANNON and VICTOR, have already assumed their regular seats at the bar. The bros release an exhale of defeat, exhaustion, and even of hint of despair.
CARLOS
Have we become predictable?
ISAAC
Like, months ago, broyos.
JEREMIAH
I feel like you just expect us to show up here with lady-woes and prepping for rejection. Isaac—can you help us drown away our sorrows?
ISAAC
Dudes, chill. I’m training our new barback tonight—Steve. He’s taking on tomorrow’s Sunday Funday shift.
STEVE
Hey.
ISAAC
Steve’s a dude of few words.
CARLOS
I thought you were the dude of few words.
ISAAC
He’s got fewer.
STEVE
Yup.
ISAAC
Anywho, I’m going to be off in the back organizing stuff so Steve’s mostly going to be holding down the fort. We got a weird noise haunting the walls. So try switchin up the routine tonight my sweet, sweet boys. Make something new happen tonight.
NARRATOR
ISAAC pauses and a smirk tickled by amusement springs forth.
ISAAC
Ha, or mayhaps, something new is about to happen to yall at our neighborhood dive bar. Laters yall.
KYLIE
(off-screen)
It might be bit of a disservice to other dive bars to refer to this stank hole as such.
NARRATOR
KYLIE peers about from the entrance of Slum’s. KYLIE steps lightly into the bar, glancing down, noticing the squishy sound occasionally produced from the soggy rug beneath her. KYLIE pauses when she sees JEREMIAH and CARLOS.
KYLIE
Well if it isn’t my favorites. What’re y’all doing here? Why haven’t you been to class lately?
