Misadventures in Adulting Ep 2: Swole-Time

From the 2010s script vault: The bros hit-up a spin-class

Swole-Time

Written by Jawanza Barial-Lumumba, edited by Emily Peterson

NARRATOR

The scene opens at Buff Stuff’s Platinum Gym, right outside the men’s locker room. JEREMIAH and CARLOS emerge in their workout gear: CARLOS’s consists of awkwardly short bike shorts, a very tight t-shirt, and a neon green headband, while JEREMIAH is sporting long-legged spandex and gigantic basketball shorts, an oversized old t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, and new workout shoes, which squeak with every step. JEREMIAH walks softly and awkwardly, trying to avoid the squeaks with little success. The two are strolling down the hall, toward one of the exercise studios.

CARLOS

Real talk: Have we hit an all-time low?

JEREMIAH

Don’t say real talk. Also, was that a reference the boyband The Wanted?

CARLOS

No! (pauses) Wait, was it? And if so, how would you know it was a shitty boy-band reference?

JEREMIAH

We have not hit an all-time low… besides, we haven’t actually followed through with anything yet, other than gearing up. We can assess all-time-lowliness after we actually finish this spin-class.

CARLOS

Really?

NARRATOR

CARLOS glances down at his super-duper, short-short-short shorts.

CARLOS

I feel like with our ill-prepped workout gear, your reference to The Wanted, and our usual scheme-of-the-week shenanigans, we’re in a pretty low place on the boredom pole as is …

JEREMIAH

(sadly)

…there’s always somewhere lower…